Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Waiting & Waiting

I am not a patient person, at all. I mean really NOT a patient person in the slightest. But today I find myself waiting, something an impatient person doesn't like to do.

I went to the doctor yesterday for my 36 week check-up. Everything was going great-excellent blood pressure, no swelling whatsoever; I was commended on my 15 pound weight gain so far, and Rowynn's heartbeat was strong and steady. My doctor then measured my stomach. Typically, during pregnancy, you gain one centimeter per week. So at 36 weeks pregnant, the doctor expected me to measure at 36 centimeters. Instead I measured 34 centimeters, which means there was no growth in the last two weeks. Throughout both pregnancies I'm usually maybe a centimeter behind. And Finley was born a healthy  8 pounds 3 ounces, so I wasn't too worried. However, this late in pregnancy, there should have been some growth in the last two weeks, and there wasn't.

My doctor said this could be because of Rowynn's position, but when she checked me, she said she wasn't low enough to be measuring at 34. The other reasons behind the lack of growth could be due to a low level of amniotic fluid or because of Rowynn's low weight. The doctor wants me to come in this afternoon for a sonogram to check both. Depending on what she finds she may want to go ahead and deliver today. Or she may want to put me in the hospital and pump me full of fluids...or maybe everything is okay, and I can continue on with the last remaining weeks of my pregnancy. I'm hoping for the latter.

So I sit here, just waiting. Am I going to have my sweet baby today? Tomorrow? Will I come home after my appointment or go straight to the hospital? Should I pack a bag? If she's born early, will she be okay? Will she have to be in the NICU? Will I have to have a c-section? We haven't installed the car seat yet. I need to clean my car. I've got grand ideas for freezer cooking next week. We are almost out of groceries and planning a trip to the store this weekend. I need some PJ's to wear in the hospital. I really wanted to get a pedicure before she came. I need a flu shot. Kyle needs a haircut. Kyle needs to mow the yard. We still have no changing pad or mattress for Rowynn. Both vehicles need an oil change. Kyle's car needs to be inspected. All of these tiny details we were planning on taking care of this weekend.

And I know, everything will work itself out. Kyle doesn't have to have a haircut before she arrives. He can mow and take car of the car stuff later. She doesn't need a mattress right away, she'll be in our room for at least a couple of months. It isn't vital that I have a months worth of meals ready to go, in the freezer. Honestly, I don't have the room anyway. No one's gonna notice if my toes aren't done, except me. We can get the car seat installed in about 10 minutes, no big deal. Kyle is better at grocery shopping than me anyway, he can take care of that.

It"s just that my type-A, detailed-orientated, list-making, plan every detail self is getting in the way. And on top of that I'm nesting. Seriously nesting. Like the other day I decided at 6 in the evening that I would pull every weed from our yard and flower beds. I hate not-knowing. And of course it doesn't help that I had a scary dream last night in which everything went horribly wrong.

I keep telling myself that God is in control, that He love us and it's all about His timing (see previous post). I keep telling myself I'm nearly 37 weeks, which is full term and more than likely if Rowynn comes early, she will be fine. My head knows all of this, but my heart can't stop worrying. Kyle's teaching a course today and can't come with me to my appointment, which frankly, sucks. I need my best friend there, the one who is always calm, to hold my hand. He hates it almost as much as I do, but he really can't get away from work.

And so I wait and I wait. My appointment is at 3, and I'm really hoping to know something soon after. I may camp out at the doctor's office until I get my questions answered. I'll keep everyone posted and appreciate the prayers and the ability to let off some steam, to release some worry. Blogging really is awesome. Makes me feel better just taking the time to write out my feelings.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Once upon a dream....

As I sit here, roughly 4 weeks away from having my second child, I find myself thinking of how this whole journey began. So I thought I'd share with you how our dream of becoming parents came true!

Kyle and I began praying for a child of our own about a year after we were married. We waited patiently each month, and each month we were sadly disappointed. We knew that we had a heart to be parents and felt that God was saying, "Not yet." It was hard to hear and eventually I got to the point where I refused to take a pregnancy test. I was tired of seeing only one pink line, or even worse, the words, "not pregnant." Nearly two years after we decided we were ready to be parents, we saw two pink lines instead of one. I remember all day my mom trying to convince me to take a test and finally, when Kyle got home that evening I decided to take one...just to see. I was standing in the bathroom and my eyes started watering as I watched the lines come into focus. Kyle, seeing me crying and thinking that I had another negative test, quickly rushed to my side to comfort me. Before he got there I held out the test and watched as he stood  in stunned silence. Finally he asked, "Why are there two lines...what does this mean?" I simply responded, "I think I'm pregnant."

And in June of 2009, a few months after we celebrated our third wedding anniversary, we welcomed Finley Rose Davis into the world. She was born on Kyle's chosen day, which is the day his adoption became official. How cool is that? Our lives have been totally transformed and we are amazed at how much joy this silly, fun-loving, outgoing, smiling, beautiful babe has brought into our lives.

I know our "struggle" for nearly two years to become parents was not really a struggle when compared to the countless other parents who struggle for years and years. When talking to others, trying for a year seems quite normal. We have so many friends that have suffered from infertility and I don't want this post to seem insensitive. In fact, Kyle's parents struggled to become parents for years before choosing Kyle as their son by adoption. We also have a heart for adoption, especially since Kyle's father was adopted, as well as his grandmother. My grandfather was also adopted and my step-grandfather was raised in an orphanage. We are praying if that is something God wants for us in the future.

Fast forward 7 months. It was a cold January morning, yet I woke up in a sweat. I had just had a dream that had my mind reeling. In my dream, I had spontaneously taken a pregnancy test and to my surprise it was positive. I quickly told my family and was shocked at all the negative response I got. In my dream my parents were in disbelief; they kept saying, "How could you get pregnant, Finley is still just a baby." Everyone we told gave us harsh looks and stern words...what a crazy dream!

I woke up a little, well, FREAKED OUT! I remember thinking, oh my, what if I really was pregnant. That would be insane. I mean I had a barely 7 month old and was starting the spring semester in three days. There was no way I was pregnant, I mean we had tried for almost two years to become pregnant with Finley...I just couldn't be pregnant. I jumped out of bed and decided to take a test just to ease my mind. Kyle was about to head out to work and Finley (who had moved from our bed to her crib only the month before) was snoozing soundly in the next room. I went into our bathroom and dug in the cabinet until I found a test. As I sat there, totally convinced I was about to see a negative sign, my heart stopped as instead, I saw a plus sign.

I sat there for a second, or a million seconds, and then started yelling for Kyle. He ran into the room and I shoved the test in his face. I started pacing and shaking and spitting out random mutterings. My mind was going non-stop...I mean I had woken up right? Panicked, I called my mom. I remember I told her about 5 times, "Mom, I've got something to tell you, but you have to promise me you're not mad. Promise. Okay? You promise?" She kept reassuring me and finally I spluttered, "I think I'm pregnant."

She started laughing and said, "Why would I be mad? That's awesome!" I felt my heart start again as momma made it all better. I then called other family members and instead of stern, disappointing words, I was greeted with surprise and joy. Everyone was happy for us, although maybe a little shocked. That was okay though, because I was shocked for about 2 months.

My whole world changed with that dream, and with that blue plus sign. I felt God's calling to stay home with my kids--something I had always wanted to do. After the shock wore off, I began to get really excited at the idea of a second baby. I was so glad Finley was going to have a sibling, and even more excited to learn she was going to have a sister. We had always wanted a big family, and it seems we are on the right track!

And in four weeks our lives will once again change. There will be sleepless nights, endless crying, and the struggle to find balance with two kids. But bring it on. I really know now how fast little babies turn into little toddlers. My hope is to cherish each drool-filled moment. I am looking forward to holding a tiny newborn on my chest. To get to experience all the firsts again. I am excited about Finley having a sister. To see my husband fall in love with another tiny being. All of this has me anxiously awaiting our second little dream come true.

Through this amazing journey I've learned that truly God's timing is best. We had Finley at the perfect time. Through a series of blessings we were able to buy our first home a month before she arrived. Kyle had a better job with much better benefits. We were plugged into a church and had a strong circle of christian friends. All this would not have been the case had we gotten pregnant when we thought we were ready. God knew the right time He had appointed for us to be parents. We were taught to wait on Him, to trust in Him, and we grew closer as a couple through the experience.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Something fierce...

Okay so I wanted to explain the title of my blog, "I love you something fierce." I started saying this phrase to my firstborn each night before bedtime. It has now become sort of our family motto. I say it to my hubby, my baby girl, and my unborn baby girl.

When I became a parent, I was given the opportunity to experience a different kind of love. The love a parent has for their child is fierce, protective, overwhelming, and generally indescribable. You instantly love this tiny little creature unconditionally and I was taken aback at how strong that love is. It's not that I love my children more than my husband, because honestly the best way to love my kiddos is to love their father first and foremost. I just love my children differently.

I've gained a new perspective on how our heavenly Father loves us and it is awe-inspiring. I can't imagine sacrificing my child for anything, much less an undeserving, self-centered, and wicked world. I desire for my child to be happy and want for nothing. I pray she knows how much she is loved and how much joy she brings to me. I can better understand now, that God desires the same for me and takes pleasure in my happiness. I can understand now that He loves us something fierce...

The Davis Clan

Hello! This is my first attempt at braving the big world of blogging. Mostly I wanted to create a blog to share my adventures in mommy-hood and as a way to keep a record for myself. I have a dozen or so empty journals and find myself often forgetting the little stuff that makes my world go round. This way I can keep up with the day-to-day stuff that happens.

Let me introduce the Davis clan to you.

This is me and my amazing husband, Kyle. We were married in March of 2006. He really is a rock star husband and daddy! Kyle is the most calm, patient, sweet, thoughtful, and level-headed person I know. He totally keeps me sane. He is creative to the max--seriously, he can play pretty much any instrument, has a great singing voice, is an author (of an amazing book series, with his own blog), has written poetry, and is a graphic designer. He loves his girls and has taken to the role of "dada" with such ease and finesse! He plays with Finley, never hesitates to change a diaper, is in charge of bath time every night, sings her songs, tickles her...and the list goes on! He is a born and raised Texan and yet I still love him (I'm from Louisiana). Truly blessed with a godly hubby that is my best friend.

Finley Rose...such a sweet spirit. She made us parents in the summer of 2009! Our little drama mama, monkey butt, priss-pot, stinker of a girl keeps us on our toes. She is nearly 15 months old and into EVERYTHING! She enjoys dancing, clapping her hands, pointing to her belly and head, and saying, "yay" when she does something right...or wrong. She also likes playing outside, doing puzzles, reading books over and over and over and over again, making a huge mess while eating, splishy-splashy time, and bedtime. She is so incredibly sweet; she carries around her babies and says, "Awe, bebe." She gives cuddles and kisses freely and insists on camping under the covers several times a day. She loves drinking milk and eating fruit. She thinks that my cell phone is hers and likes to pick out shoes for me to wear. She also brushes her hair and teeth, and thinks momma's make-up is the greatest. She is totally smitten with her dada, and thinks her momma is pretty cool too.

Rowynn Faith will arrive within the next month and we are so excited to meet our precious baby! She is already very active, kicking momma constantly. Notice in the picture her foot lodged up against her chin...yep, that's my silly child!

And finally....ME! My name is Wendy DeLatin Davis and I made my debut in the world during the winter of 1985. I'm originally from a teeny-tiny town in Louisiana. I moved to Texas in the spring of 2006 when I married my sweet hubby. I attended the University of North Texas for a few years to study Early Childhood Education, but soon realized my true calling: being a stay-at-home-mom! I was saved at the age of 13 and was led in the prayer of salvation by a very sweet lady who would become my mom-in-law seven years later. (Alas, another story for another time). I am completely in love with Jesus and am amazed by His blessings and forgiveness. I think my kiddo is the coolest and my hubby the sweetest. I love to read, take millions of pictures of my kid, cook with my hubby, and sing my heart out--quite loudly and off-key. I have recently become obsessed with crossword puzzles, freezer cooking, and coupon clipping.

Stay tuned for more adventures in mommy-hood!