Waiting & Waiting

I am not a patient person, at all. I mean really NOT a patient person in the slightest. But today I find myself waiting, something an impatient person doesn't like to do.

I went to the doctor yesterday for my 36 week check-up. Everything was going great-excellent blood pressure, no swelling whatsoever; I was commended on my 15 pound weight gain so far, and Rowynn's heartbeat was strong and steady. My doctor then measured my stomach. Typically, during pregnancy, you gain one centimeter per week. So at 36 weeks pregnant, the doctor expected me to measure at 36 centimeters. Instead I measured 34 centimeters, which means there was no growth in the last two weeks. Throughout both pregnancies I'm usually maybe a centimeter behind. And Finley was born a healthy  8 pounds 3 ounces, so I wasn't too worried. However, this late in pregnancy, there should have been some growth in the last two weeks, and there wasn't.

My doctor said this could be because of Rowynn's position, but when she checked me, she said she wasn't low enough to be measuring at 34. The other reasons behind the lack of growth could be due to a low level of amniotic fluid or because of Rowynn's low weight. The doctor wants me to come in this afternoon for a sonogram to check both. Depending on what she finds she may want to go ahead and deliver today. Or she may want to put me in the hospital and pump me full of fluids...or maybe everything is okay, and I can continue on with the last remaining weeks of my pregnancy. I'm hoping for the latter.

So I sit here, just waiting. Am I going to have my sweet baby today? Tomorrow? Will I come home after my appointment or go straight to the hospital? Should I pack a bag? If she's born early, will she be okay? Will she have to be in the NICU? Will I have to have a c-section? We haven't installed the car seat yet. I need to clean my car. I've got grand ideas for freezer cooking next week. We are almost out of groceries and planning a trip to the store this weekend. I need some PJ's to wear in the hospital. I really wanted to get a pedicure before she came. I need a flu shot. Kyle needs a haircut. Kyle needs to mow the yard. We still have no changing pad or mattress for Rowynn. Both vehicles need an oil change. Kyle's car needs to be inspected. All of these tiny details we were planning on taking care of this weekend.

And I know, everything will work itself out. Kyle doesn't have to have a haircut before she arrives. He can mow and take car of the car stuff later. She doesn't need a mattress right away, she'll be in our room for at least a couple of months. It isn't vital that I have a months worth of meals ready to go, in the freezer. Honestly, I don't have the room anyway. No one's gonna notice if my toes aren't done, except me. We can get the car seat installed in about 10 minutes, no big deal. Kyle is better at grocery shopping than me anyway, he can take care of that.

It"s just that my type-A, detailed-orientated, list-making, plan every detail self is getting in the way. And on top of that I'm nesting. Seriously nesting. Like the other day I decided at 6 in the evening that I would pull every weed from our yard and flower beds. I hate not-knowing. And of course it doesn't help that I had a scary dream last night in which everything went horribly wrong.

I keep telling myself that God is in control, that He love us and it's all about His timing (see previous post). I keep telling myself I'm nearly 37 weeks, which is full term and more than likely if Rowynn comes early, she will be fine. My head knows all of this, but my heart can't stop worrying. Kyle's teaching a course today and can't come with me to my appointment, which frankly, sucks. I need my best friend there, the one who is always calm, to hold my hand. He hates it almost as much as I do, but he really can't get away from work.

And so I wait and I wait. My appointment is at 3, and I'm really hoping to know something soon after. I may camp out at the doctor's office until I get my questions answered. I'll keep everyone posted and appreciate the prayers and the ability to let off some steam, to release some worry. Blogging really is awesome. Makes me feel better just taking the time to write out my feelings.